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Thema: Funny Linux (Einzeiler, Bilder, Sprüche)

  1. #1
    stokedfish
    Gast

    Funny Linux (Einzeiler, Bilder, Sprüche)

    Habe ein paar lustige Linux-Jokes gefunden, die - so denke ich - doch einen eigenen Thread verdient haben!

    Also alle Bilder, Sprüche, Witze und anderes lustiges über Linux bitte hier rein!

    Zum anfangen mal ein wirklich gut gemachtes Bild... *smile*

    http://www.kde-look.org/content/pics/6809-1.jpg

    Weiter gehts, mit ein paar echt hammermässigen Sprüchen... *schonwiedersmile*

    The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better." I can't understand why it won't work on my Linux computer.

    [Pollito Pito wrote in with an instance where the above slogan is true. The European ISP Chello states in its Installation FAQ that the recommended system configuration is "Windows 95/98/NT or better". It works fine with Linux, though. Which just proves what we've known all along.]

    It is not too late to turn back from the GATES of hell. Use Linux - the free 32 bit operating system.

    Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.

    Got Linux?

    Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house.

    Bill Gates did not realize was that his daughter would grow up to be a rebel and would never use anything but Linux for her whole life.

    Linux, DOS, Windows NT -- The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

    Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment

    We are using Linux daily to UP our productivity -- so UP yours, Microsoft!

    Linux: The OS people choose without $200,000,000 of persuasion

    The linuX Files -- The Source is Out There.

    If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah.

    Linux. Where do you want to go tomorrow?

    A Linux machine! because a 486 is a terrible thing to waste!

    Microsoft is not the answer.
    Microsoft is the question.
    Linux is the answer.

    Linux: The choice of a GNU generation

    "When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*'." -- Linus Torvalds

    Going from DOS to Linux is like trading a glider for an F117.

    By golly, I'm beginning to think Linux really *is* the best thing since sliced bread.

    "We all know Linux is great...it does infinite loops in 5 seconds." -- Linus

    "Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had." -- Linus

    Linux: Where Don't We Want To Go Today?

    Vini, vidi, Linux!

    Microsoft seems to have gotten a lot of mileage out of the C2 rating for NT with no network connection. I wonder if a B3 rating for Linux with no power cord might be of value.

    Linux -- Have you administered a real OS today?

    Linux, because we don't need no steenkin' Blue Screen of Death!

    Type cat vmlinuz > /dev/audio to hear the Voice of God.

    Linux: Because a PC is a terrible thing to waste.

    The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

    Windows NT, from the people who invented EDLIN!

    Linux, the way to get rid of boot viruses

    "What you end up with, after running an operating system concept through these many marketing coffee filters, is something not unlike plain hot water." -- By Matt Welsh

    Why use Windows, since there is a door?

    Fatal Error: Found MS-Windows System -> Repartitioning Disk for Linux...

    Linux: Because rebooting is for adding new hardware

    Computers are like air conditioners -- they stop working properly if you open WINDOWS

    Windows: Microsoft's tax on computer illiterates.

    In a world without fences who needs Gates?

    Another name for a Windows tutorial is crash course!

    Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.

    NT... the last two letters of bowel movement

    Some software money can't buy. For everything else there's Micros~1.

    Sticks and Stones may break my bones but FUD will never concern me.

    Every program expands until it can send mail.
    ...Except Exchange.

    Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

    .vbs = Virus Bearing Script?

    Technology is positive when the creators put the interests of their users before their bottom line.

    We are Linux. Resistance is measured in Ohms.

    Have you ever noticed that at trade shows Microsoft is always the one giving away stress balls?

    "See, you not only have to be a good coder to create a system like Linux, you have to be a sneaky bastard too." -- Linus Torvalds

    My computer, my documents, my briefcase, my ASS! (Submitted by Ben Cook)

    Linux. When you want to get there today! (Submitted by Jeremy Hinegardner)

    I have replaced NT with Linux. Linux -- heir of the byte that dogged me. (Submitted by Allan Willis)

    Do you remember when you only had to pay for windows when *you* broke them? (Submitted by Noel Maddy)

    Free Software: the Software by the People, of the People and for the People. Develop! Share! Enhance! and Enjoy! (Submitted by Andy Tai)

    National Weather Service advice for those threatened by severe thunderstorms: "Go inside a sturdy building and stay away from WINDOWS!" (Submitted by Ben Bullock)

    Microsoft should switch to the vacuum cleaner business where people actually want products that suck. (Submitted by Bruno Bratti)

    I prefer an OS made by programmers that need marketing that an OS made by marketing that need programmers... Use linux (Submitted by Christian Olivier)

    Linux: transforms your microcomputer in a workstation.
    Windows NT: transforms your workstation in a microcomputer. (Submitted by Paulo F. Sedrez)

    At Microsoft, quality is job 1.1 - Use Linux!

    Everyone seems so impatient and angry these days. I think it's because so many people use Windows at work -- do you think you'd be Politeness Man after working on Windows 8 hrs. or more? (Submitted by Chip Atkinson)

    NT 5.0 so vaporous it's in danger of being added to the periodic table as a noble gas. (Spotted in a Slashdot discussion)

    It's spelled Linux, but it's pronounced `Not Windows'
    It's spelled Windows, but it's pronounced `Aieeeeeeee!' (Submitted by Shannon Hendrix)

    My Beowulf cluster will beat your Windows NT network any day. (Submitted by wbogardt[at]gte.net)

    Get it up, keep it up... LINUX: Viagra for the PC. (Submitted by Chris Abbey)

    It's no wonder they call it WinNT; WNT = VMS++; (Submitted by Chris Abbey)

    Peace, Love and Compile the kernel.... (Submitted by Justin L. Herreman)

    A truly stable environment would be a concrete basement with no windows! Computers are no different. (Submitted by Carey McLelland)

    I took the Pepsi challenge and chose Linux. (Submitted by Carey McLelland)

    Linux - because software problems should not cost money. (Submitted by Shlomi Fish)

    Double your disk space - delete Windows! (Submitted by Albert Dorofeev)

    The Edsel. New Coke. Windows 2000. All mandatory case studies for bizschool students in 2020. (From a LinuxToday post by Bear Giles)

    If your OS needs a virus detector... RUN!!!
    ...Out and buy Linux! (Tim Wright)

    Windows: Where do you want to go today?
    MacOS: Where do you want to be tomorrow?
    Linux: Are you coming or what?
    (from Linux Journal)

    I will never trust someone called GATES that sells WINDOWS. (Submitted by Federico Román)

    Linux: There is no conspiracy... yet. (Submitted by Matthew Adair)

    The following are from Gareth Barnard:

    "Microsoft technology" -- isn't that an oxymoron?

    Are you tired of being a crash test dummy for Microsoft? Discover Linux.

    MCSE == Mentally Challenged Slave of the Empire.

    Linux; a re-Gnu-able resource.

    Windows NT -- it'll drive you buggy!

    If at first you don't succeed, get a job with Microsoft.

    Where do you want to go today? Don't ask Microsoft for directions.

    The following are from Laurent Szyster:

    Free your software, and your ass will follow

    How about some patent on "(a+b)2 == a2+2ab+b2" ... choose free software!

    "New Technology" or "Not Trusted"?

    Market share leadership is a tenuous thing, Mr. Gates: ask IBM ;-)

    MS and Y2K: Windows 95, 98, ... and back again to 01

    The following are from Havlik Denis:

    US Navy uses NT. Saddam, Gadafi, it's party time!

    Reset button? Which reset button? - Linux, the OS that never sleeps.

    There's the light at the end of the the Windows.

    The following are from Ewout Stam:

    Linux: Where do you want to GO... Oh, I'm already there!

    Windows: Where do you WANT to go TODAY? You WANT to, but you'll never get there. And you can go to only ONE place per day.

    Windows contains FAT.
    Use Linux -- you won't ever have to worry about your weight.

    Microsoft DOS/NT (doesn't) provide the means to WIN!

    Crashing is violent; that's why there are more violent games for Windows - and they'll always work.

    People use dummies for crash-tests. Windows is so difficult they had to educate the dummies first -- by giving them "Windows for Dummies" books!

    The following are from Geoff Johnson:

    Q: How many Microsoft Programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: It cannot be done. You will need to upgrade your house.

    Q: How many Linux users does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Two. One to write the HOWTO-LIGHTBULB-CRONJOB, and another to read it.

    So what is the best way to protect yourself against the ILOVEYOU virus? Install Linux. If that's not an option, try uninstalling Windows.

    These slogans were spotted on Slashdot:

    Windows: The first user interface where you click Start to turn it off.

    NT == No Thanks

    Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]

    Oh My God! They Killed init! You Bastards!

    Yo-yo operating system = WinNT: it goes up..., it goes down..., it goes...

    Linux! Works great, less filling.

    Linux - It is now safe to turn on your computer.

    Windows NT source code now available... download WIN2000.BAS now!

    Where do you want Bill Gates to go today?

    Microsoft does have a Y2K problem... it's called Linux!

    C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRASH C:\ME\FDISK /usr/src/linux

    Windows 2000, Users Zilch

    If Microsoft were to vanish, who would we hate next?

    The relative speed of a computer, regardless of CPU architecture, is inversely proportional to the number of Microsoft products installed.

    I'm not a programmer, but I play one at Microsoft.

    To segfault is human; to bluescreen moronic.

    If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... Oh wait, he does.

    I'm not in favor of senseless Micro$oft bashing. I'm in favor of bashing Micro$oft senseless.

    I'm a geek with a journalism degree. I suppose that makes me overqualified for a job with ZDNet. Darn.

    Wow, the great ZDNET actually corrected a mistake! Of course, if they did that to all of Jesse Berst's columns, they'd lose 2/3 of their content...

    It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your source code is?

    I'm still waiting for the "Honk if you hate Microsoft" [bumper sticker], but that might get annoying, everyone honking at you.

    The relative speed of a computer, regardless of CPU architecture, is inversely proportional to the number of Microsoft products installed.

    I'm not a programmer, but I play one at Microsoft.

    Every time I think that perhaps we are an advanced race, I turn around and read ramblings on Slashdot, and realize I was wrong.

    Microsoft Zen - Become one with the blue screen.

    Windows 2000 is more secure than Linux...
    Since the machine is offline half of the time because of crashes, it cannot be accessed globally, therefore producing higher security.

    Linux: Fast Pane Relief

    Given enough time and money, eventually Microsoft will re-invent UNIX.

    Linux: the dot in "dot org".

    If we added up all of the 2 cents that Slashdot readers gave, I wonder how much sense vs. cents we'd have.

    Carpe Daemon -- Seize the background process!

    "Microsoft is the epitome of innovation and product quality."
    -- This testimonial paid for by Microsoft.

    Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.

    It's all GNU to me.

    Windows hasn't increased computer literacy. It's just lowered the standard.

    The best Windows accelerator is that which works at 9.81m/s2

    The next hot technology from Microsoft will be object-oriented assembly.

    ...A Microsoft spokesperson said, "while fighting software piracy is good for our business, highway robbery is our business."

    Why would people waste their time developing viruses for Microsoft products when Microsoft does such a good job itself of adding in bugs which crash your system?

    The Information Revolution will be fought on the command line.

    Windows NT encountered the following error: The operation completed successfully.

    With Windows Millennium, Microsoft was able to get the boot time down to 25 seconds. That's almost as short as it's uptime.

    The Internet interprets advertising as damage and routes around it.

    Windows 2000: Designed for the Internet. The Internet: Designed for UNIX.

    Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business.

    A beowulf cluster of Cisco routers? Isn't that the Internet?

    Windows 98 hasn't crashed for me once in over a year, either. Oh, wait, I haven't booted it in over a year.

    Geeks aren't interested in politics because government doesn't double its efficiency and speed once every 18 months.

    For more than 4 generations the IT Professionals were the guardians of quality and stability in software. Before the dark times. Before Microsoft...

    You all have to admit that Microsoft products provide a quality unmatched by any other company. That is why I am switching to 100% pure shredded Microsoft certificates of authenticity in my hamster's cage.

    Linux: Because rebooting is for adding hardware
    Solaris: Because you don't need to reboot to add hardware
    Windows: Because rebooting is for adding hardware, adding software, regularly scheduled downtime, and should also be done on a daily basis to keep the machine running.

    Slight disorientation after prolonged system uptime is normal for new Linux users. Please do not adjust your browser.

    Unix: Where /sbin/init is still Job 1.
    Quelle: http://humorix.org/slogans.shtml

    Auch der hier ist ganz lustig, wenn auch wohl schon bekannt:

    http://humorix.org/gpf.gif


    Und noch ein paar Sprüche:

    Mach das Fenster zu! ... Dem Pinguin wird kalt!

    Penguin Inside.

    May the source be with you!

    Lieber ein Pinguin der läuft, als ein Fenster, das hängt...

    Hält, was andere versprechen.

    Computer würden LINUX kaufen.

    We go, where we want to go today!

    We Know where we go Tomorrow !!

    Linux - damit der Ausnahmefehler nicht zur Regel wird.

    LINUX - und Dein PC macht nie wieder "blau"!!

    Während man in Redmond noch bootet, wird in Villa Pinguin schon gearbeitet...

    Linux - Less bugs for less bucks!
    Quelle: http://www.martinwindeler.de/Witze/linux.htm


    Und hier noch ein paar ANTI-Linux-Sprüche... *würg*

    Some people call it ROM-BASIC, others call it LINUX

    LINUX brings yesterdays computer today.

    Computers make life easy. LINUX makes life UNeasy.

    A scene from Independance Day (movie):
    Guy #1: 'Hey, let's give those aliens a computervirus, so they can't attack us!'
    Guy #2: 'No, let's give 'em LINUX!'

    Watch out when you talk to LINUX-guys, you might get bored.

    Windows95 and LINUX are both very sluggish operating systems. But one difference: Microsoft gets money for it.

    Computers don't bite, LINUX does.

    Yeah, freeware is cool. But people wouldn't pay for LINUX anyway.

    There are two ways to end your life: kill yourself, or buy LINUX.

    LINUX isn't as bad as people think... IT'S WORSE!

    LINUX and Airconditioners are just the same: both stop when you open X-WINDOWS.
    Quelle: http://mitglied.lycos.de/wtrblb/Linu..._jokes-en.html

    Und noch ein paar funny pics (auch als Desktop-Hintergründe für 800*600 gut geeignet)

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/03/09/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/03/04/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/02/22/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/02/23/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/02/16/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/01/24/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/01/10/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/01/01/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/00/17a/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/00/15/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/00/04a/p800.jpg

    http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/99/18/p800.jpg

    Diese paar letzten Bilder sind allesamt von http://www.heise.de/ct/motive/default.shtml ;-)


    P.S.
    Ja, habe die Suchfunktion benutzt, aber keinen vergleichbaren Thread gefunden. Gibt es diesen schon, Thema dort anhängen oder hier einfach zumachen. Danke!

    Und als Zückerchen noch der Lacher des Tages ---> *click*
    Geändert von stokedfish (18.07.03 um 21:29 Uhr)

  2. #2
    Modzkopf Avatar von delmonico
    Registriert seit
    Feb 2003
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    2.807
    *lol* warn paar burner dabei bei den sprüchen*g*

    Hier noch en lustiges bild:
    http://gmr.getmyip.com/pic/album.php?show=NTvsUnix.jpg

  3. #3
    Registrierter Benutzer
    Registriert seit
    Sep 2002
    Beiträge
    610
    MCSE = Meaningless Certificate, Software Expired


    When he saw the penguin, Bill knew it was going to be a bad day.


    Du Schatz, mach mal das Fenster zu, der bl?de Pinguin, der spannt schon wieder.


    Durch einen schrecklichen Zufall versterben in einer Woche
    zuerst Linus Torvalds und, drei Tage später, Bill Gates.
    Als Gates in den Himmel kommt, sagt Gott zu ihm
    Hallo, Herr Gates, schön sie zu sehen! In Anbetracht ihrer
    großen Verdienste um die Entwicklung der PCs kriegen sie hier ihr
    eigenes Häuschen, und, glauben Sie mir, das kriegt hier nicht jeder!"

    Gott nimmt Gates an die Hand und führt ihn vor einen kleinen
    Flachdachbungalow. Die Fußmatte an der Tür ist mit dem Windows-Logo
    versehen und eine kleine ready-for-windows-Fahne weht im Vorgärtchen.
    Gates denkt sich "Joh, ganz nett", dreht sich um.... und traut
    seinen Augen nicht. Auf der nächsten Wolke, hoch über ihm, steht
    ein italienischer Palazzo, komplett mit Balustrade und sechs
    dorischen Säulen. Der Palazzo ist gelb-schwarz gestrichen, über und
    über mit Pinguin-Symbolen, Graffiti, -Fahnen und -Transparenten,
    Marmorpinguinen übersät.

    Gates wendet sich an Gott und sagt, schwer brüskiert
    "Was ist DAS denn?
    Wieso kriegt der Torvalds so'n Palast da hingestellt?
    Das billig System von dem benutzt doch keiner!! Häh???
    Wieso lebt der hier in so 'nem Haus???"
    Gott dreht sich um, schaut Gates tief in die Augen und sagt
    "Das ist nicht Torvalds Haus. Das ist meins."



    Unser Unix auf der HD,
    geheiligt werde Deine Leistung.
    Dein Kernel komme.
    Dein Compile geschehe,
    wie in der Shell so im X.
    Unser täglich gcc gib uns heute.
    und vergib uns unsere Resettaste,
    wie auch wir vergeben Deinen Kernel Panic.
    Und führe uns nicht zu Apple,
    sondern erlöse uns von Windows.
    Denn Dein ist die Stabilität, die Sicherheit
    und Zuverlässigkeit
    in Ewigkeit.
    <Login>


    Wieviele Microsoft Angestellte braucht man, um eine Glühlampe
    auszuwechseln?

    1. Keinen, Microsoft erklärt Dunkelheit zum Standard.
    2. Keinen, sie rufen bei INTEL an, weil es ein Hardwareproblem ist.
    3. Vier. Der erste ersetzt die Birne, der zweite ändert die Fassung
    so, daß Netscape-Glühbirnen nicht reinpassen. Der Dritte baut eine
    Kurzschlußautomatik ein, die ausgelöst wird, wenn jemand eine
    Glühbirne von Sun einsetzen will. Und der vierte überzeugt das
    amerikanische Justizministerium, dass das fairer Wettbewerb ist.
    4. Man braucht 50. Einen, der die Lampe auswechselt, 40, die die
    Fehlermeldungen wegklicken, 2 um neu zu booten, 4 für neue
    Lampen-Treiber und 4, um selbige zu installieren



    Nicht ganz zu Linux passend.....

    CISCO = Consistent Input, SCrambled Output


    Und als Anhang noch was für alle die schon immer wissen wollten warum UNIX einfacher zu programmieren ist als Windows....

    ciao

    Michael
    Im Internet verschwinden immer mehr Rentner spurlos weil sie Alt und Entfernen gleichzeitig drücken.

  4. #4
    Premium Mitglied Avatar von bernie
    Registriert seit
    Apr 2002
    Ort
    Wien
    Beiträge
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    Hi,

    [Pollito Pito wrote in with an instance where the above slogan is true. The European ISP Chello states in its Installation FAQ that the recommended system configuration is "Windows 95/98/NT or better". It works fine with Linux, though. Which just proves what we've known all along.]

    Die Sache ist noch lustiger,.. die Chello Modems haben einen DHCP eingebaut der mit WinNT/4/5/5.1 grobe Probleme macht und die Rechner ab und zu keine IP bekommen. (ist nicht so tragisch weil sich die IP nur selten ändert und man beim Support seine IP erfragen kann) Laut Support Mitarbeiter gabs mit Linux noch nie Probleme

    Ciao, Bernie
    Vorsicht. In der *X-Community einen Reboot als Problemloesung zu empfehlen/anzudeuten ist, als wuerde man einem Moslem empfehlen zur Entspannung ein Glaeschen Wein zu trinken.

  5. #5
    Premium Mitglied Avatar von DustPuppy
    Registriert seit
    Jul 2002
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    Österreich - Wien
    Beiträge
    928
    ich habe chello und hatte mit dhcpcd schon probleme

  6. #6
    Geiler Bock Avatar von Painkiller
    Registriert seit
    Jan 2002
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    bei Bremen
    Beiträge
    2.247

    Talking






  7. #7
    E-A-D-G Avatar von screenyfs
    Registriert seit
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    irc.linuxforen.de
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    515
    hehe, das ist gut

  8. #8
    stuck under the Table Avatar von pcdog
    Registriert seit
    Apr 2003
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    Novi Sad
    Beiträge
    1.828
    ohne worte....
    wenn ich meinen server ausschalte, wird die Strassenlaterne draussen heller...

  9. #9
    stuck under the Table Avatar von pcdog
    Registriert seit
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    Novi Sad
    Beiträge
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    auch süss
    wenn ich meinen server ausschalte, wird die Strassenlaterne draussen heller...

  10. #10
    Suse/Ubuntu Anfänger Avatar von iCErAIN-CTV
    Registriert seit
    Jul 2003
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    Erfurt
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    ROFL...
    den fand ich geil:

    Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

    das spricht mir aus der Seele


    hier nochn Bildche

    und das musste auch noch sein
    AMD XP3000
    ASUS A7N8X-E Deluxe
    NVidia Gainward 5900 XT Golden Sample
    1024MB Infineon DDR 400
    Ubuntu Hoary + WinXP

  11. #11
    mag Pinguine
    Registriert seit
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    MCSE = Minesweeper Consultant, Solitaire Expert

  12. #12
    Registrierter Benutzer
    Registriert seit
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    Original geschrieben von rjkop
    MCSE = Minesweeper Consultant, Solitaire Expert
    MCSE = Must Consult Someone Else

    :-)

    irrdeto

  13. #13
    Premium Mitglied Avatar von dragon's might
    Registriert seit
    Apr 2002
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    1.967
    Mit Linux allein kann man nicht arbeiten, ich krieg hier nocht die Kriese
    צה"ל

  14. #14
    binary coder Avatar von zwerg
    Registriert seit
    May 2003
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    Windows NT source code now available... download WIN2000.BAS now!

    ist mein persönlicher LIebling

    Und dann war da noch:

    --
    This is a .signature-virus. If you see this, copy it into your .signature!
    If you don't know what a .signature is, you've most probably been infected
    by another virus of name Microsoft. In this case, please remove yourself
    from my fov or infect yourself with Linux.
    Debian. Forever.

  15. #15
    Modzkopf Avatar von delmonico
    Registriert seit
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